just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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