Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
