just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Randomize
