cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
