we have officially lost it.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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