Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
