Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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