hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
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