and she was petting her beer can
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
