Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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