"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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