Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
