just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
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