Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
