At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I'm always down for nudity.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
