Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
