and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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