i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Randomize
