so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
