You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize