my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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