I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
