He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
