im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
This is classic penis vs brain.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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