Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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