It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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