Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
you had me at cake vodka
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
