then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
