its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
