Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
