i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
