when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
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we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
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