benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
