evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
