I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
