around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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