I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
