I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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