beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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