The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
