I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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