You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
