My boss' voice literally gives me gas
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
We need to get me chipped asap
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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