I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
