I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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