He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
