So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
