What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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