did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
