Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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