just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize