I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
