I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
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and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
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"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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