White coat. Heels.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
