Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
