i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
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