Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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