They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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