Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
