Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize