Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
