I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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