yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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