Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
