I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
