I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
