Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
