My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
