Yo dont text me then not text me
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
