And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
