this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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