Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
