I could have mohawked her pubes.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
