well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
